


TMNT Subdivision

by hummerhouse



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Halloween, Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 19:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4972885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummerhouse/pseuds/hummerhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made.<br/>Word Count: 3,141 One Shot<br/>Rated: R hints of TCest-OT4 and mild language</p><p>Tonight's program was influenced by: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein, The Twilight Zone, The Wolf Man, and Night of the Living Dead</p><p>See if you can match them up! Happy Halloween!</p>
            </blockquote>





	TMNT Subdivision

_“There is a realm beyond that which is known to man. It is a realm as boundless as the imagination. A location best suited for those who are not faint-hearted. Choose your neighborhood carefully; dangers and special perks can both be found on any street corner. Watch for mile markers as you drive; each road has its own set of twists and turns. Take a walk down lover’s lane but beware the warning signs! It is a realm full of surprises; an area that we like to call The TMNT subdivision.”_

** Leo Lane **

            Mikey’s television viewing pleasure was interrupted by a gruff voice next to his head.

            “Where is he?” Raph demanded.

            Leaning away from him, Mikey’s brow furrowed as he asked, “Where is who?”

            “Donatello!” Raph snapped, his patience obviously wearing thin.

            “Geez dude, take a chill pill. He’s over at the tide pool working on the Shell Sub,” Mikey said.

            Mikey frowned as Raph stomped off. The hot head was obviously steaming and the orange banded turtle was just happy he was not the target this time.

            Don was in the middle of welding something when Raph barged in. Stopping short, Raph quashed his anger momentarily; attacking a genius who was wielding a torch was too reckless even for him.

            In a couple of minutes, Don turned off the welding torch and flipped up his mask, having sensed Raph’s presence. Turning, he saw the livid hue of his brother’s skin and quickly reviewed the day’s events, trying to find something he might have done to piss Raph off.

            “Give me the keys right now, and maybe I won’t rearrange your face,” Raph threatened harshly.

            Don carefully set his torch down on the work table and narrowed his eyes as he contemplated Raph.

            “First, I am much more likely to respond to a request that begins with a ‘please’ and ends with a ‘thank you’,” Don told him mildly. “Second, to which keys are you referring?”

            Sucking in a breath, Raph counted a silent ten. Don might look and sound harmless, but he did not respond well to intimidation. Retribution from the purple banded turtle usually involved words designed to cut the skin with a finer precision than the razor blade edge of Leo’s katanas.

            “My shell cycle keys,” Raph pushed out through tight lips. “They ain’t hanging on the peg in the kitchen, and they ain’t in the ignition.”

            “I didn’t take them and I don’t have them,” Don said with finality, turning his attention back to his repair work.

            Raph stared at the back of Don’s head for a moment, deciding that his brother was telling the truth. Tapping his foot as he fumed, a thought suddenly struck him.

            “That little shit,” he muttered and spun around, heading back towards the television room.

            Don looked up when he heard Mikey’s pained shout, and he was still looking in that direction when Raph came back in, rubbing his knuckles.

            “Mikey said he doesn’t have them either, and I believe him,” Raph said accusingly.

            “So now you’re using your fists as a lie detector test?” Don asked placidly.

            “Whatever works,” Raph said with a slight grin. Quickly erasing it, he said, “Mikey ain’t got ‘em and neither do you. That only leaves Leo.”

            “You should have thought of him first,” Don said; his hands busy with the sub repairs. “Didn’t I hear him tell you not to go out tonight?”

            “He ain’t my keeper,” Raph growled. “So where the fuck is Fearless? I ain’t seen him in a couple of hours.”

            “You know what Raph?” Don asked, moving a metal panel from the table to the sub that was dangling over the tide pool.

            “What genius?” Raph followed him, standing at the water’s edge so he could look up at Don.

            “I’m staying out of it,” Don told him. “I can’t concentrate with the two of you bickering.”

            A pair of forest green hands slipped out of the water, reaching for Raphael as the hot head stood glaring at Donatello. With no warning, they grabbed his ankles and yanked him back into the water.

            With a loud shout, Raph went under, hands flailing as the cold water shocked his system.

            Swimming to the edge, Leo boosted himself out of the pool, removing his oxygen tank before turning to study a thoroughly wet and extremely bedraggled Raphael.

            “I meant it when I said no going out on your shell cycle until you went through a cooling off period bro’,” Leo told him. “Maybe a nice frigid swim in our lagoon will do a better job of illustrating my point.”

            Raph’s indignant sputter was completely ignored.

** Raph Road **

            “Ahh!”

            The high pitched scream coming out of the pitch black sewer tunnel caught Leo completely by surprise. Spinning on instinct, his arm swept up for a katana before he recognized the voice.

            “Mikey! What the shell are you doing? I could have sliced you in half,” Leo fumed, his hand shaking a little at how close he’d come to skewering his little brother.

            Mikey took a deep, jittery breath before answering. “What are _you_ doing? I’ve been here for a half hour minding my own business. I didn’t ask you to come darting out of the dark so you could stomp all over me.”

            “A half an hour?” Leo asked suspiciously.

            “As if you didn’t know,” Mikey said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be out here. Go ahead and admit it.”

            “I’m guessing we’re in the same boat?” Leo ventured.

            A quick exhalation and Mikey said tiredly, “Yeah dude. I’m totally beat. I need some rest and this was the only place I could think of to hide.”

            “Guys, could you keep it down please?” another voice asked.

            Both Leo and Mikey jumped. Peering into a dark corner, they saw Don rising from the ground where he’d been sitting.

            “That was the first real sleep I’ve gotten in the last two days,” he griped as he dusted off his legs. “I hate sleeping while I’m sitting up.”

            Leo ran a hand across his forehead. “We really need to do something.”

            “You do something dude. You’re the leader,” Mikey told him.

            “I tried getting Master Splinter involved, but he said we made our bed and now we must lie in it,” Leo said.

            “I’ll bet he’s laughing at us,” Don said while yawning.

            “This is getting out of hand,” Leo admitted in frustration. “At first I loved it, but . . . but he’s . . . “

            “Insatiable?” Mikey finished.

            “Exactly.” Leo frowned and said, “I’m so tired I can’t think.”

            “What we really need is an intervention,” Don suggested. “They work for even the most hardcore problems.”

            _“Leo~nardo!”_ A deep, husky voice intoned from a distance, slowly drawing nearer to their hiding spot. The layered undertone might just as easily have been calling for ‘ _braaains’_.

            “Oh shell,” Leo whispered, as close to panic as anyone had ever seen him.

            “If he finds this place, I'm totally throwing you under the bus dude,” Mikey announced.

            “What happened to teamwork?” Leo asked with a scowl.

            Mikey began inching towards the nearest exit. “Teamwork? What you call teamwork Raphael calls an excuse for an orgy. That intervention thingy sounds great; you’d just better make sure you invite a lot of people.”

            Don sighed. “I’m too sore to run,” he said.

            _“Michel~angelo!”_ the growling accent was even closer than before. _“I can smell ya’ bro. Come on out now. Hide and seek is fun, but I’m horny.”_

            “I’m seriously sorry I ever suggested we fool around with each other,” Mikey squeaked, his voice pitched higher by his agitation. “I just . . . I just didn’t know Raph was gonna turn into a sex addict!”

** Mikey Mile **

            “No, I ain’t doin’ it,” Raph snarled, his arms crossed in defiance.

            “Why must you always be so stubborn?” Leo asked in exasperation.

            Raph pointed a thick finger at his brother’s chest. “Ya’ know, I started out this evening in a fine mood, so ya’ ain’t blaming this shit on me. You’re the over indulgent one.”

            “So somehow this is my fault?” Leo snapped incredulously.

            Don broke in quickly before the argument turned into a full scale war. “Could you two please turn down the volume on your testosterone? We have a problem and it needs to be resolved pretty fast.”

            “Fine,” Raph said, huffing indignantly. “Rock, paper, scissors?”

            Leo nodded and held out a closed fist. Don and Raph did likewise and Don intoned, “Rock, paper, scissors, one, two, three.”

            Three green hands came down simultaneously, and Don shouted, “Hah! Scissors cuts paper, and I got both of you. I’m out.”

            “Again,” Leo said.

            Once more Don called out the litany as his brother’s hands ploughed through the air.

            “Rock breaks scissors, Raph. Leo wins,” Don announced.

            With a sullen growl, Raph said, “Best two out of three.”

            “Guys, hurry up!” Mikey called tremulously.

            “No more Raph. You lost fair and square,” Leo said.

            Don walked to the edge of the rooftop they were standing on and glanced over the edge.

            “We really should hurry. The last time this happened, an old lady called the police and told them a mad rapist was running across the roofs,” he told them with a small chuckle.

            “That last time should have been the last time,” Raph griped, glaring at Leo.

            “You try to talk him out of wearing those things,” Leo said. “Sometimes I feel like I’m dealing with two completely different turtles.”

            “What he really needs is a big top hat to complete the illusion.” Don was grinning as he watched Raph sidle over next to him to peer over the edge.

            “Look, if I gotta do this, then I want a picture,” Raph said, a corner of his mouth twisting up. “Did ya’ bring your camera?”

            “Yeah, it’s in my bag. Hang on.” Don walked over to where his duffel lay and dug around inside.

            “Very funny!” Mikey yelled. “Ha, ha!”

            “Michelangelo, be quiet. Someone is going to look out of a window and we’ll end up dodging police helicopters,” Leo admonished him.

            “I’m really uncomfortable, Leo. Come on,” Mikey urged.

            Don walked back over with his camera and the flash was brilliant under a moonless sky. For good measure, he took another.

            Raph chuckled and called down to his baby brother, “That’s going in my Christmas cards this year.”

            “No~o!” Mikey whined loudly.

            “Shh!” Leo told him again.

            “Okay, I’m going across. Give me one of your blades Leo, I’m gonna have ta cut him loose this time,” Raph said as he swung over the roofs edge.

            “Don’t cut it, don’t cut it,” Mikey cried out, wiggling like a worm on a fish hook.

            The more he struggled, the more wound up his Turtle Titan cape became in the clothes line that had snagged him earlier. It was the second time that month.

            “Shut up ya’ nut ball,” Raph said as he scooted across the line to where his brother dangled. “If ya’ insist on pounding across the rooftops dressed up like a crazed lunatic, ya’ shouldn’t be surprised at the bad results.”

            “I’m getting the hang of it,” Mikey told him, his hands wrapped around the rope so that the drag on his hooded cape wouldn’t strangle him.

            “Hang being the operative word here,” Raph joked as he balanced himself near his brother’s head.

            Brandishing the katana, he grinned evilly, “I suggest you tighten that grip and kiss this cape goodbye.”

            Mikey’s narrowed blue eyes met his humor filled golden ones.

            “Gloat all you want, I’ll get another cape,” he said with a pout.

            Grumbling, Raph told him, “Damn, too bad it ain’t that easy ta trade in a goofy ass brother.”

** Don Drive **

            Leo walked past the television room as he headed for the dojo, but something out of place caught his eye and he backed up. Propped against one wall was a mattress.

            Moving further into the room, he could just make out the tip of one knee peeking out from behind the bedding and immediately recognized it.

            “Mikey, why is your mattress down here and why are you hiding behind it?” Leo asked in a reasonably calm voice.

            A wide eyed Michelangelo peered out at him. His face was a shade lighter, as though something was really scaring him.

            “Is anybody else out there?” he asked with a slightly quivering voice.

            “No,” Leo answered, and then crossed his arms over his plastron. “Have you played some kind of prank on Raph again? Because I am not protecting you this time.”

            “I didn’t!” Mikey yelped, his protest sounding sincere.

            “Then what   . . . ?” Leo started to ask.

            “Look, you know Raph went with Donny to the junkyard earlier right?” Mikey interrupted.

            “Yes,” Leo answered, completely baffled.

            “Well, they just got back a few minutes ago, and they were carting in one of those big plastic sneeze guard things, like they use over the buffet tables in the restaurant I’m not allowed to go into anymore,” Mikey said.

            “You’re not allowed in there because you got into an argument with a seven year old and he yanked your coat halfway off,” Leo said.

            “Right, never mind,” Mikey jumped in quickly. “That’s not the point.”

            Pinching the skin between his eyes, Leo asked, “What is the point, Mikey?”

            “You remember how Raph was bugging Don to supercharge his shell cycle? And Don said he might be able to come up with a fuel injection system with a bigger kick than Raph was getting from nitrous oxide?” Mikey asked.

            “Barely,” Leo admitted. “I don’t really listen when they talk motors.”

            “Me either,” Mikey said. “I only listen when Don starts giggling like a mad scientist about to bring something to life and then goes on about having to do tests on the explosive quality of a fuel sample but that he needs some kind of protective shielding first.”

            “Explosive . . . .” Leo trailed off as sudden horror dawned on his face.

            “I suggest you get down dude,” Mikey said.

            A shout spun Leo sideways and he watched as Raphael ran towards them.

            “Duck and cover!” Raph yelled, leaping over the back of the couch and hitting the floor.

            Leo dropped simultaneously and a split second later a loud explosion slammed through the lair. Smoke alarms sounded from the kitchen and Don’s lab, and black clouds rolled out of the open door to the latter.

            Debris layered the air like confetti during a ticker tape parade, landing on and around the three brothers who were huddled together.

            Raph sat up, coughing and holding his side.

            “Where’s Donatello?” Leo snapped, jumping to his feet and looking towards Don’s lab.

            A sheepish appearing genius walked out of the low rolling smoke, waving a hand in front of his face and pulling his protective goggles to the top of his head.

            “I think maybe I went a little too strong on that mixture,” he said with a toothy grin. “Hey, good news though, I’m alive!”

            Slowly standing up, Raph growled, “Not for long brainiac.”

** Splinter Street **

            “Damn! What’s gotten into him lately?” Raph asked as he plopped into a kitchen chair.

            “I don’t know,” Don answered, sitting down next to him and lowering his head onto his arm, “but I’m starting to get really worried. He’s not his usual calm, rational self.”

            “Maybe there’s a full moon,” Mikey suggested, putting the kettle on the stove and pulling the tea jar down from the cupboard.

            Raph rolled his eyes at Mikey and Leo leaned his shell against the wall, arms crossed over his plastron.

            “Something has to be bothering Master Splinter,” Leo said. “He’s overly anxious, extremely jumpy and more agitated about our training than I’ve ever seen him. Do you suppose he senses some kind of danger and is worried we won’t be ready for it?”

            “Wouldn’t he just say so if that was the case?” Mikey asked. “All I know is my sore muscles from today are hurting on top of my sore muscles from yesterday. Maybe a nice cup of tea will calm him down.”

            “I offered to do a physical exam, but he almost bit my head off,” Don said. “He said he feels perfectly healthy. You guys didn’t see him speed dusting his room earlier; I don’t know how he managed not to break anything.”

            “There has to be an explanation,” Leo said. “Master Splinter was fine up until three days ago. Right after he came back from a run to the market with April and Mikey is when he started to change. Did anything unusual happen Michelangelo?”

            Mikey shook his head. “Nope. I gave April our list and sensei and I waited at her apartment until she got back. We didn’t do anything but watch some television and drink tea. He was fine. I’m telling you guys, it’s the full moon.”

            “Can it with the moon shit Mikey,” Raph snapped.

            Don sighed. “Mikey, a full moon really only lasts for a short period of time during one evening, certainly not a number of nights in a row.”

            “Humph,” Mikey puffed out as he set about brewing the tea. “The only thing I know for sure is that he was barking at me this morning because I wasn’t moving through my kata fast enough for him. I must have done a jillion backflips today.”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t talk back when he’s lecturing you,” Leo said calmly.

            “Yeah,” Mikey said, pointing at Raph, “well Raph was doing them right alongside of me and he was actually quiet this morning.”

            “Get bent Mikey,” Raph told him.

            Mikey stuck a tongue out at him as he poured tea into a cup and started putting the tea things away.

            Suddenly Don jumped up from his chair and grabbed the tea jar from Mikey’s hand.

            “Hey!” Mikey yelped. “Rude much?”

            “Is this the tea April brought back from the market?” Don asked.

            Mikey shrugged, “Yeah, sure. She said they were out of green tea, so she got this one because she said Master Splinter had it at her house before and liked it just fine.”

            Leo stood up from the doorframe, stepping closer to Don when he saw the excited look on his brother’s face.

            “What is it?” Leo asked.

            “Master Splinter always drinks decaf,” Don said, pulling the small tea box out of the jar and displaying it for his brothers.

            ‘Silver Brand Caffeinated Tea’ showed plainly on the label.

            “BOYS! Get in here immediately!”

            Master Splinter’s yell made them all jump.

            Eyes wide, Mikey asked, “So dude, exactly how long before this stuff is out of his system?”

            Don pulled a long face, grimacing as he answered, “It could be as long as two days Mikey.”

            “Oh shell,” Mikey whispered and his brothers nodded in agreement.


End file.
